Tarheelpj
05-04-2008, 04:37 AM
Menus:
"Ham and Cheese - $2.50. Cheese and Ham - $2.90." -- On a menu.
"Our whipped butter is made with margarine." -- On a menu.
"7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered with golden fried onion rings." -- On a menu.
Signs:
"Open seven days a week. Closed Sundays." -- On the bottom of a pizza parlor's take-out menu.
"Parking for drive-through customers only." -- A sign at a McDonald's in California.
"We are Handicapped - Friendly. For example, if you are blind, we will read the menu for you." -- A notice in a restaurant.
"Eat Here - Get Gas" -- A sign at a gas station.
"Hot drinks to take out or sit in." -- A sign on a cafe.
"You can't beat our meat!" -- A sign on a restaurant, now closed.
"Our Infamous Steaks" -- A sign at a restaurant in Raleigh, NC.
"Now Hiring / Sausage Biscuits / $1" -- A sign at a McDonald's.
"NOW HIRING / TWO FRENCH DIPS / FOR TWO DOLLARS." -- A sign at an Arby's in North Bend, Washington.
"Please consume all food on premises." -- A sign at a Souplantation restaurant.
Quotes:
"Is there chicken in your vegetarian gumbo?" -- Asked of a waitress.
"Just the chicken." -- The response a waitress gave when asked if there were any dairy products in a soup.
"Would you like cream and sugar with that?" -- Asked by a waitress when a customer specified orange juice instead of coffee as part of a breakfast meal.
"Do you want cheese on that?" -- Asked when a customer ordered a plain cheeseburger.
"You want fries with that?" -- Asked when a customer ordered an apple turnover.
"Do you want onions on that?" -- A waitress, in response to a couple ordering a milk shake and a large cola.
"Is there any meat in the veggie rolls?"
"Do you get rice with your fried rice?"
"I'm sorry, we only have six inch and foot long subs." -- A waitress, when asked for a 12 inch sub.
"Would you like to care for a cup of coffee?" -- A waitress.
"Which of these coffees did you want with cream and sugar?" -- Asked of a customer who had ordered two coffees, one with cream and sugar and one without.
"Do you want that in a bag?" -- Asked of a customer who ordered coffee to go.
"Is this for here or to go?" -- Asked of a Dairy Queen customer at a drive-through window.
"What's the difference between the 1/4 pounder and the 1/3 pounder?"
"What's the difference?" -- Asked of a waitress when asked if the customer would like breadsticks with or without cheese.
"Sir, we only have one thousand island dressing." -- A waitress, when asked for two thousand island dressings.
"How many pieces are in the eight piece chicken deal?"
"How much is the $1.99 popcorn chicken?"
"Is the honey mustard sauce sweet?"
"Is the spicy chicken just spicy or is it hot and spicy?"
"Would you like the sale price?" -- A fast food worker, asking how a customer would like to pay for his order of two special sandwiches.
"That's not an animal. It's a mammal." -- Cafeteria worker serving shrimp at a public high school.
"Does your ice cream contain dairy products?" -- A customer at the drive-through of a fast food restaurant.
"Excuse me. These ham and cheese rolls -- do they have ham in them?" -- A customer at a bakery cafe.
"Don't you guys have them 99 cent Whoppers?" -- Asked of a Taco Bell cashier.
"This is to go." -- Commonly said by customers at drive-through windows.
"I'd like a large Pepsi pizza." -- A customer ordering pizza over the phone. After saying this, the customer was heard saying to someone else with him, "Wait, Chuck, is that right?"
Me: "Do you have hot tea?"
Her: "Well, it is not very warm...but.. .."
Me: "No I mean do you have hot water and a tea bag?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "So you can make me hot tea."
Her: "Well I can put a cup of iced tea in the microwave for you."
Me: "No, just give me a cup of hot water and a tea bag, and I will make my own."
Her: "Do you want ice in the cup?"
Once when I went to McDonald's, I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.
"You don't?" I replied.
"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
"So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right."
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
A pizza-and-sub takeout recently opened near me. When I got the menu, I decided that I would try the hamburger sub that was listed, so I called.
Me: "I'd like to place an order for pickup."
Him: "Certainly, sir. What would you like to have?"
Me: "I'd like the hamburger sub, please."
Him: "Excuse me, the HAMburger sub?"
Me: "Yes."
Him: "I'm sorry, but we don't have HAMburger."
Me: "It's right here on the menu."
Him: "We don't have HAMburger."
This went on a few times, until finally I asked for a cheeseburger sub without the cheese. He was happy to sell me that.
Me: "I'd like a large french fries please."
Clerk: "Would you like fries with that?"
I got sort of confused at this one and told him no. He told me to pull ahead, so I did, and then he asked me why I was sitting there.
Clerk: "I thought you didn't want fries."
Me: "No, I ordered a large french fries."
Clerk: "Ok. Do you want fries with that?"
Since saying no the last time had gotten me nothing, I figured I'd better say yes this time.
He gave me two large fries.
"Ham and Cheese - $2.50. Cheese and Ham - $2.90." -- On a menu.
"Our whipped butter is made with margarine." -- On a menu.
"7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered with golden fried onion rings." -- On a menu.
Signs:
"Open seven days a week. Closed Sundays." -- On the bottom of a pizza parlor's take-out menu.
"Parking for drive-through customers only." -- A sign at a McDonald's in California.
"We are Handicapped - Friendly. For example, if you are blind, we will read the menu for you." -- A notice in a restaurant.
"Eat Here - Get Gas" -- A sign at a gas station.
"Hot drinks to take out or sit in." -- A sign on a cafe.
"You can't beat our meat!" -- A sign on a restaurant, now closed.
"Our Infamous Steaks" -- A sign at a restaurant in Raleigh, NC.
"Now Hiring / Sausage Biscuits / $1" -- A sign at a McDonald's.
"NOW HIRING / TWO FRENCH DIPS / FOR TWO DOLLARS." -- A sign at an Arby's in North Bend, Washington.
"Please consume all food on premises." -- A sign at a Souplantation restaurant.
Quotes:
"Is there chicken in your vegetarian gumbo?" -- Asked of a waitress.
"Just the chicken." -- The response a waitress gave when asked if there were any dairy products in a soup.
"Would you like cream and sugar with that?" -- Asked by a waitress when a customer specified orange juice instead of coffee as part of a breakfast meal.
"Do you want cheese on that?" -- Asked when a customer ordered a plain cheeseburger.
"You want fries with that?" -- Asked when a customer ordered an apple turnover.
"Do you want onions on that?" -- A waitress, in response to a couple ordering a milk shake and a large cola.
"Is there any meat in the veggie rolls?"
"Do you get rice with your fried rice?"
"I'm sorry, we only have six inch and foot long subs." -- A waitress, when asked for a 12 inch sub.
"Would you like to care for a cup of coffee?" -- A waitress.
"Which of these coffees did you want with cream and sugar?" -- Asked of a customer who had ordered two coffees, one with cream and sugar and one without.
"Do you want that in a bag?" -- Asked of a customer who ordered coffee to go.
"Is this for here or to go?" -- Asked of a Dairy Queen customer at a drive-through window.
"What's the difference between the 1/4 pounder and the 1/3 pounder?"
"What's the difference?" -- Asked of a waitress when asked if the customer would like breadsticks with or without cheese.
"Sir, we only have one thousand island dressing." -- A waitress, when asked for two thousand island dressings.
"How many pieces are in the eight piece chicken deal?"
"How much is the $1.99 popcorn chicken?"
"Is the honey mustard sauce sweet?"
"Is the spicy chicken just spicy or is it hot and spicy?"
"Would you like the sale price?" -- A fast food worker, asking how a customer would like to pay for his order of two special sandwiches.
"That's not an animal. It's a mammal." -- Cafeteria worker serving shrimp at a public high school.
"Does your ice cream contain dairy products?" -- A customer at the drive-through of a fast food restaurant.
"Excuse me. These ham and cheese rolls -- do they have ham in them?" -- A customer at a bakery cafe.
"Don't you guys have them 99 cent Whoppers?" -- Asked of a Taco Bell cashier.
"This is to go." -- Commonly said by customers at drive-through windows.
"I'd like a large Pepsi pizza." -- A customer ordering pizza over the phone. After saying this, the customer was heard saying to someone else with him, "Wait, Chuck, is that right?"
Me: "Do you have hot tea?"
Her: "Well, it is not very warm...but.. .."
Me: "No I mean do you have hot water and a tea bag?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "So you can make me hot tea."
Her: "Well I can put a cup of iced tea in the microwave for you."
Me: "No, just give me a cup of hot water and a tea bag, and I will make my own."
Her: "Do you want ice in the cup?"
Once when I went to McDonald's, I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.
"You don't?" I replied.
"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
"So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right."
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
A pizza-and-sub takeout recently opened near me. When I got the menu, I decided that I would try the hamburger sub that was listed, so I called.
Me: "I'd like to place an order for pickup."
Him: "Certainly, sir. What would you like to have?"
Me: "I'd like the hamburger sub, please."
Him: "Excuse me, the HAMburger sub?"
Me: "Yes."
Him: "I'm sorry, but we don't have HAMburger."
Me: "It's right here on the menu."
Him: "We don't have HAMburger."
This went on a few times, until finally I asked for a cheeseburger sub without the cheese. He was happy to sell me that.
Me: "I'd like a large french fries please."
Clerk: "Would you like fries with that?"
I got sort of confused at this one and told him no. He told me to pull ahead, so I did, and then he asked me why I was sitting there.
Clerk: "I thought you didn't want fries."
Me: "No, I ordered a large french fries."
Clerk: "Ok. Do you want fries with that?"
Since saying no the last time had gotten me nothing, I figured I'd better say yes this time.
He gave me two large fries.