A midget was accused of rape in front of the judge. The judge asks the
midget, "Did you do it?" The midget replied, "Yes but my friends put
me up to it."

A Hollywood starlet, who had been married three years without having a
child, complained to her mother: "The big mistake I made was marrying
a director instead of a producer!"

Your continual unfaithfulness proves you are an absolute rotter,"
stormed the outraged wife who had just caught her husband for the
seventh time in a sportive romp with another woman. "Quite the
contrary," came the cool reply. "It merely proves that I'm too good to
be true."

Better get a good laugh at bikinis they're wearing these days, because
the way things are going in a little while there won't be anything to
laugh at!

Frustration is the first time you discover you can't do it the second
time. Panic is the second time you discover you can't do it the first
time.

What's the difference between an old cat and a baby kitten?
An old cat scratches and bites but a little pussy never hurt anybody!

What is a gay masochist?
A sucker for punishment.

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Cuz every time she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat

How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh?
By sticking your finger in his honey

What does a 72-year-old snatch taste like?
Depends

Tear Jerker: A bloke who cries while wanking.

Confucius Says... "Man who masturbate only screwing himself."